• Krystle

Motivation Station(ary).

How can someone who is typically so motivated become so…. Unmotivated? Confused? Well, SAME.

So here’s where I’m at: I’m in a funk (which I’ve talked about before) and it’s getting very frustrating. My last post talked about how I recently lost my job. It’s not the first time, and lately,  I’ve found myself comparing my last two jobs and how they ended. It’s taken me a couple of weeks but after coming home from a week of coastal bliss, I’m facing the reality that I knew was waiting. I think I inadvertently put off this feeling by going on vacation almost immediately after being let go from my last job. One of the first things I thought of as I walked out of that place was “how on earth am I going to afford this vacation coming up in a few weeks?!” During those nights in the spa and the mornings drinking coffee on the deck, I knew what was waiting for me when I got back home. Once I got back, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

We got back on Friday and the weekend was full of recovery. On Monday, I found it a bit hard to get out of bed but figured that was normal post-vacation blues. Then Tuesday rolled around and I still felt sluggish, down and unmotivated. This was so strange to me. As I mentioned at the end of my last post, I knew I had to be even more self-aware now than ever before. I had to learn from my years of battling depression and face it head on whenever I sensed it creeping up. I would find myself struggling until 2:00 in the afternoon, then struggling more to even take a shower and face what was left of the day. My car sat stationary for more than a week because I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the coffee shop in town and just be out of the house.

How could I let it get this bad? I recognized the struggle to get out of bed and take basic care of myself as fundamental signs of depression and I refused to fall victim again. I made sure to set goals for myself every day: Prep dinner, complete two levels in my Spanish lessons, wash all of my blankets, finish three chapters in my book, go for a 30-minute walk in the field behind my house  - anything that I could strive for and feel a sense of accomplishment when I actually did it. It didn’t have to be something huge, but I tried to complete something each day and add another to the next.

Part of the pain I felt after losing my job at the law firm was the loss of my sense of purpose. I’d been going to an office every weekday from 8:30-5:30 and while I didn’t love what I was doing, I had a reason to get up and go someplace in the morning. Same is true this time around. Just last night, I was chatting with a co-worker from my last job (because they liked me enough to keep me in the group chat and at least some of them still like me) and I told him that I felt like I had been robbed of the same thing this time around.

“So here’s the thing: when I got fired, I wasn’t sad but I was angry. I was angry about what was unjustly being taken from me - my purpose, my income, the six co-workers I actually liked…”

Obviously the last part was a joke and I liked more than six people I worked with, but the rest was true as toast. Part of this feeling was the anger stage in the grief process. Once I recognized that I was basically experiencing grief and that’s where the flirting with depression was coming from, it became easier to manage.

I truly believe that I can overcome this and in the end, it will make me a better person. If I continue to make progress over the next week or so, I’ll see the changes and benefits and it will be so much easier to keep going.


Recent Posts

See All

Mourning Glory

Recently, I found a movie on one of the many streaming services I have and watched it late into the night. It came out in 2010 and I saw it in the theater with my then best friend, who was also a rook

Follow me

© 2023 by Krystle Holleman.
Proudly created with Wix.com



C: 810-354-7187

  • Instagram
  • Facebook Clean
  • Twitter Clean